News

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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood: dread
now playing: papa roach-last resort
vocabulary: pana

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

I am not waiting anymore, but now I wish that I were. How many more things can go wrong?

My watch battery died, or my watch did, either one.

The rose fell off the choker that Rachael let me borrow and I lost it somewhere.

"I so sorry." ...and then, "No lo creo." Some things just shouldn't be discussed on publicly accessible webpages. Chances are, if you are a good friend of mine, you will hear the stories when I return. I can never keep things quiet for too long.

I really just want to crawl in a hole where I can sit and just know the thoughts of everyone in the world. Mainly I want to know my own. I do not know what I am feeling. I think I never feel anything. I think I am always too concerned with what someon else is feeling. My feeling is always sadness because I am worrying about what someone else is feeling about me. How tragic is that? How retarded is that? Do I not have the right to feel certain ways toward other people? Can I not be dissatisfied? Maybe what other people are thinking at times is that I am thinking ill of them. The reason they become so standoffish is because they are worried that I am dissatisfied. I would rather believe that, but I never could. I tried to explain to Edison last night (as I was polishing off my third? fourth? glass of sangria) about my anxiety problems. When you do not know the word for anxiety in Spanish it is a difficult concept to explain. I hate when guys are acceptionally affectionate and then all of a sudden not so affectionate. I would them just pick a happy medium and stay with it, so I do not have to worry why things are different. But then, they are probably not different at all. It is my perception that is different. I do not think the same way about the affection and thus do not remember it like the rest.

I have two weeks left here. Why am I letting it bother me? I thought that was the whole point. I remember telling someone at the allianza, "The whole point, is that there is no point."

Fuck this. I only have one turtleneck. Ojala!

I want to cry, but for once..I can't. Oddly enough.

I have to go tell Rachael now that I broke her choker last night.

Check you later,

jenn