News

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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood: sad
now playing: pink floyd-wish you were here
vocabulary: evince

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

This is all very disturbing. Disconcerting. Sucks.

I am on dial-up..because my ethernet is not working out it seems. I dunno what to do.

I have not made a new friend yet. What have I done? I worked this morning at 7 am. I saw a girl who was made out to be my bitterest enemy back when I was best friends with Russ. We sent hatemail to each other all the time. This girl..she turns to me.."Hey, I know you, do you remember me?" and all I can do is hope that I just look familiar and she doesn't recall the actual premise of our knowing each other. Oh boy. One girl waved at me, she was one of the people I met at my Advance. She's friendly. I met my suitemates. They finally movied in, all four of them.

It's still very hot in our dorm. I brought in a reinforcement-the boxfan. *le sigh*

Maybe I will actually sleep tonight but chances are I won't. Curfew is at 1 am. I want to go to bed at 10. Ugh. God, send me a friend. I beg you.

No, I have friends here, I saw Daniel, Byron, and Marcus today..and of course my roommate, though only for a brief moment. Nicole and Jenna are around..but I have yet to find them. This is all so...freaky. I miss my little bubble where I had two or three real friends but I liked them and was fairly sure they liked me too.

I just started thinking about it. I am crying. I am scared to death of people. I hate them because I am so afraid that everyone's first instinct is to hate me. I am trying to be friendly but it's just so hard when I feel like I have to be on the defense, like..people only see my faults when they look at me and aren't looking for much else.

I have never been so scared in my life. I used to be confident. I used to not care what people thought of me. I want to be different, I want to be that nice girl instead of that intimidating girl.

Dude, I will not give up. I will not.

I will not go out for archegos(don't ask). I will be me...whoever that is. I will love being me.

I gotta go try to be social...walking around lonely watching people go, "I hope that girl doesn't come over here."

Check you later,

Jenn