News

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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood: infected
now playing: ACDC - T.N.T.
vocabulary: dynamite

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

Sean is absolutely wonderful. He dressed up nice and made reservations, bought movie tickets ahead of time. He's a sweetie.

We are both really tired and thus it is only half past ten and I am already home. I hope he's all right. Every once in a while he goes silent while he's thinking and I always think it's something I did and I feel bad. I am not going to feel bad this time because dammit, I know he loves me and I love him and it's wonderful. We all need to wind down every once in a while, even me though I never admit it. I like to think I am like the Energizer Bunny but it's really that I am just scared to be alone. I hate to be alone because I think terrible, evil thoughts. So, when I just make sure I am always surrounded by people I stop thinking terrible thoughts, but the problem isn't fixed, just avoided. The second I am alone...urgh.

But I am happy. He said a lot of things at dinner that made me very happy, things that when absent made me sad and insecure and now that they are present I feel...incredible.

I would feel utterly incredible right now except for the fact that my knee is getting infected. I knew something was wrong when I realized that there was a very large patch of red surrounding it and it was burning to the touch everywhere it was red. My dad looked at it and said it's "getting infected." Now when "getting infected" becomes "infected" I am not sure, but I don't want it to get to that point. It hasn't stopped hurting since I got the wound and I think that's a bad sign. It still hasn't scabbed yet either; it's too deep. Goddamn me and my coordination, or rather, lack thereof.

Daredevil is an excellent movie. Royal Thai is yummy food. I love Valentine's Day. I love Sean. I love sleep. Good night.

Check you later,

Jenn