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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood: helpless
now playing: foreigner-cold as ice
vocabulary:

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

It's that feeling of helplessness that I hate and it's back again.

I know that I would give anything for you to have everything. I would sacrifice anything and would work myself into the ground to give you want you need, and even everything you want.

But the problem is I can only give everything I have in my past, present, and future. I can't give what I don't have. But at least let me give you what I have? You don't have to worry. Everything is going to be ok.

I just wish I could sell my car. I would sell it and then every month I would write a check for what my car payment was and write it to you.

I just want you to be happy.

I just want to make you happy.

It makes me upset that I am not enough to make you happy. It makes me upset that worrying about things that may be in the distant future is more important than appreciating what is so that it still will be in the future.

I like to think I matter, at least to you, if not to anyone else.

I just want to scream "Fuck" and at the echo of my voice the world shakes in fear and submits to my every demand.

Maybe I just want too much.