News

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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood: beyond contentment
now playing: pink floyd-wish you were here
vocabulary: s.p.e.w.

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

My car will be done in about a week and a half. Oh goody. That means I have to go back to Virginia? Yikes.

Anyway, yeah. I started thinking about something today that I probably shouldn't. It is nothing bad exactly, but it could be bad for me to think about it. I don't want to be waiting for things to happen because looking forward to things in the future just absolutely ruins the present. And yet I think that somehow just by thinking about it will make it happen, but it is not something that should happen anytime -real- soon anyway. I think it is just scary to me looking forward to anything because I always think, "But what if it doesn't happen?" And that causes me anxiety.

I finally got a job in Bowling Green. I had been waiting very patiently for that to happen and I think I will enjoy the job that I got. I will be doing customer service at a call center for none other than Verizon Wireless, but of course I don't work for VZW I work for the call center so I am legitimately working indeed.

I started doing my online classes. It is truly going to be rough making myself go through the class modules. When I get into a work routine I will just have to start a class routine where two or three days a week are devoted to doing the modules just as if I were truly attending school, the only difference being that school can be at any designated time of day, I just have to be sure to designate it or I will commit academic suicide and I cannot afford to lose money from dropping classes again.

Life is good. Despite the car thing, despite the I'm-broke thing, life is good. I love my boyfriend very much and getting to see him is wonderful. His friends are also great people and I would like to think that I am making some of my own as well.

I do, however, worry about spending too much time with him. I don't want to fall into a routine of spending every free moment with him because then he might feel as though he has to and I want him to be able to have space if and when he needs it. I don't want him to be afraid that I will get angry or upset if he doesn't happen to want to come over after work or he doesn't want me to go with him to his friends' houses. I want to know that he knows that. I want to be the best girlfriend that I can be because I feel like he deserves it. I want to be the best fiance that I can be, and eventually I want to be the best wife that I can be. He really deserves it. And also as important, I deserve it. I am finally beginning to realize this. I do deserve the happiness that I am feeling that he brings me. I am not a bad person. I will not be a guilt-monger any longer. Life is good.

I am planning on probably transferring to Western Kentucky University. I want to do this because I can graduate in the spring of 2007(theoretically) if I do. This will also give my boyfriend the opportunity to go back to school with in-state tuition and I am glad to be able to help keep that option open for him.

This has been a long post. I did not anticipate it. This is all mind vomit. I started typing and this is what came out. It will probably be another 7 days before my mind spits up this amount of writing in here.

Check you later,
Jenn