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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood: rested
now playing: so much for the afterglow
vocabulary:

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

Trust is a funny thing.

You can only trust someone when you trust yourself. If you are capable of doing something it is only then that you feel others are capable of doing something to break your trust. Is this true? I would like to think that I have trust issues because I am paranoid, because I have been hurt so many times before. Only..no one has ever cheated on me before. Relationship-wise, I have no prior experiences of trust being broken. Only in friendship has someone broken my trust.

So why do I always mistrust? Self loathing. The other loop of relationship woes. You cannot love another until you love yourself. Get this taken care of and the trust issue is taken care of as well. If you love yourself then you can see how it is possible for others to love you as well, thus you don't feel unworthy likethey have to find someone better elsewhere.

My goal in life is to love myself. After that, everything else will fall into place.

So how does one love herself when her friends have nearly abandoned her and ever time she looks in the mirror she feels worthless and wretched, ugly beyond repair. How does one love herself when she doesn't know what she wants to do and feels stupid and afraid that the future won't do for her what she needs it to do.

Who knows.

The only way is to not care. Every day I try to let go of one more care that I have in this world. It brings one more smile upon my face. There are a lot of things that might be giving me grief right now..if I gave two flips.

I don't anymore. I've let go. There is so much more I have yet to let go of. But I guarantee you that it will go all the same.

I don't know how and I don't know when.

I need to watch Harold and Maude.

Check you later,

Jenn