Emenius Sleepus

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She..she screams in silence..a sullen riot penetrating through her mind...We...wait for a sign to smash the silence with the brick of self-control---Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you? Are you feeling like a social tool without any use? Scream at me until my ears bleed, I'm taking heed just for you--She...she's figured out..all her doubts are someone else's point of view..We...walking up to smash the silence with the brick of self-control--------

News

"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

mood: pathetic
now playing: ccr-someday never comes
vocabulary: voyeuristic

My yesterdays....

Que paso? - 2006-09-10

Bah humbug. - 2006-01-16

I'm married. - 2005-09-01

In and around the lake... - 2005-07-22

I'll be the roundabout... - 2005-07-11

Previous - Booooorrrrriiiiinnnngggg.

Next - Eh?

2002-09-05 - 11:53 a.m. - Decide to be the reason why I stay another night.

I don't want to despair but nothing seems to be going right. I am still just frightened all the time about everything. I have severe social anxiety. Everywhere I go..I think people are staring at me and thinking awful things about me and talking about me in ways where if I heard what they were saying I'd crash. I mean, it's not that I don't have friends it's that..I don't have dependent friends and...I'm not a dependent friend. It's like I feel as if I or they should always want to be updated on everything. I feel as if I should know where they are and I should call them but I feel leechy calling someone. I feel insecure. I think I have an anxiety disorder. I don't think it's natural to feel that everyone is out to get you as often as I do. I don't want to live in fear. I want to be able to function properly.

Urgh. I want to take a nap.

I work tonight. I am going to stop by my house ad visit puppy. I miss him company. He's been my best friend since I've had him. I guess he filled the void that people never would. Not that the couldn't, they just wouldn't. No one ever wanted to be my best friend. I'm not the worth the trouble. I understand but it still sucks.

I -really- need a nap.