News

-

"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

---

mood: numb
now playing: pink floyd-comfortably numb
vocabulary: apurada

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

I am not alone. I am just very far away. I appreciate everyone who helped bridge that gap by calling me. You mean so much to me.

I still haven't gotten in touch with Trey and it is killing me. I -need- him. I just need to talk to him and hear him cry so I know it's ok to do it.

Brian said stay busy. I am trying. I am leaving this weekend. I need to get away. I won't be online. Maybe it is cheaper in Argentina to make long distance phone calls and if it is, you may get a call from me. It is very important to talk to people who are close to me in times like these.

I know there are a lot of people hurting. It's hard not to love him, at least it was very difficult for me to try not to. I never succeeded. I think that is why this hurts so much. Someone in the house asked, "Isn't that the guy you always talk about?" Yes. I do. I can't help it. How else do you explain why you have a Foreigner CD? Or why you eat spaghetti with a spoon? Or why you make really bad puns?

I want to stop torturing myself with 'what if's' because they don't do a fucking thing. No one knows what would have happened if they'd have gone the other way at the fork in the road. No one knows. But it's still haunting. I'm a masochist.

"Yes there are two roads you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on."

I wish I wish I wish.

Fuck it. I am going to Argentina. I am so numb inside. I wish I could feel anything.