News

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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood:
now playing: rockapella-where in the world is carmen san diego?
vocabulary:

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

I don't hate my job, but it is definitely the main stress-factor in my life. I think I do well. I am not sure I really care. I am not afraid of being fired...I think I really just -need- to be good at everything I do or I won't do it at all. This is a problem. I cannot fear mediocrity because all it really signifies is that there is room for improvement.

Charlie said that I would be funny if I acted like I was stupid. He said I sound too smart. Is that necessarily a bad thing?

There gets to be a point where the things that once brought fulfillment in a person's life cease to provoke any thought whatsoever. This point is when you realize that you need a change. Unfortunately, we are not always clear on -what- needs to be changed so quite often we change anything and everything or what can be most conveniently changed. This may lead to new and improved mundane feelings. How unfortunate. "Oh what a tangled web we weave."

So, I am sleep-deprived because I have been staying up late on Galaxies(loser I know) and then when I finally force myself to leave it I stay up a few more hours reading Harry Potter(double loser, I know). Then I wake up bright and early and go to work. I think I only play for the sole purpose of hanging out with my co-workers, despite the fact that it is on an online medium. The worst part is, I am not going out with friends, tangible human beings who want to actually -do- something. This..is weird. It's like...no.

So, I am supposed to be finishing scanning the pictures of Sean for Diana. They are all scanned, I just have to go through and change the file type on all of them(30 all together). Looking at the pictures makes me sad. If I could go one day without thinking about him then I would be happy. Just one day. Maybe it is better that I think of it. I know now that whether he thought people cared or not, they did. He had a misperception of reality and when I hit low points I must realize that things are never as bad as they seem. Emotions and a general analytic nature will create a downward spiral that makes you feel as though there's no fucking point. Well, there is a fucking point, whether I have come to realize it or not. I may not be living for anything but I am not dying for nothing.

Ahh, hrm, Edison called me "Mala" for not calling or writing to him. Forgive me, Edison, I like guys in my own country, though I might even be willing to settle for my own continent. He sure is hot though. Meh.

Galaxy is calling.

Check you later,

Jenn