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News -
"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."
What's up?mood: depressed |
My yesterdays....
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2002-12-11 - 9:30 p.m. -
I don't like what you've got me hanging from
It's funny. No, it's no funny, it's tragic. I can mess up just about anything good in my life. It's almost as if I don't want the good. It's like I need calamity and heartache in order to feel comfortable. I only feel at home when my life is shitty. Tomorrow it will have been a month. We spent all but three days of that entire month together; Only three days that I did not see him. Days I don't see him are terrible. I miss him. Then to make it worse, I wonder if he even gives a damn and assume he doesn't. Who am I to put words into his mouth? I am no good. All I do is just make him mad and then make it look like he's the one in the wrong. He's not. He's wonderful and amazing. I am going to stop. Any time I thin a bad tought I am going to expel it from my mind. Of course, this never works and I end up sleeping the hours away to prevent worrying. But this time...maybe things can be different. Maybe. This may be the only time you ever hear this come out of my mouth...or off my fingertips...I'm a dumbass. I hope he can forgive me. I am going to bed now. It's all I can do. He just signed off. He didn't say bye. I wouldn't want to talk to me either. Goodnight. Jenn |