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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood: forlorn
now playing: refreshments-european swallow
vocabulary: pugilist

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

I don't know how I am supposed to feel.

I mean, I understand that perhaps it is not my fault. But then, I feel as if it is my fault because I can't make it better. I also can't understand because that is not how my mind works.

Your happiness is my happiness and your pain is my pain and last night I was feeling a whole lot of pain because I love you and I hate that anything bad has ever and will ever happen to you and that I can't make it go away.

I hate that I never say what is the right thing to say at the right time.

I hate that somehow I know it's my fault whether it's something I did or something I failed to do.

Amanda thinks it's this..SAD? Some lunar solar something something where the fact that there is less daylight causes people to be depressed. But I know it's so much more than that. I've been there. You make me forget my bad feelings and to be incapable of doing the same for you hurts.

So what do I do now?

Yeah, I'd let you chain me down and whip me until every bad thought has left your head. I just want to make you feel better. Let it all out. I don't want it in there tearing you apart anymore.

And again I ask what I'm supposed to do.

Everything you once enjoyed you cease to enjoy so do I just....wait? Wait until you can feel again? This hurts. I'm so sad, in more ways than one.

I am going to go...read now.

Check you later,

Jenn