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She..she screams in silence..a sullen riot penetrating through her mind...We...wait for a sign to smash the silence with the brick of self-control---Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you? Are you feeling like a social tool without any use? Scream at me until my ears bleed, I'm taking heed just for you--She...she's figured out..all her doubts are someone else's point of view..We...walking up to smash the silence with the brick of self-control--------
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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

mood: elated
now playing: Green Day-She
vocabulary: never been kissed

My yesterdays....


Previous - Do me a favor.. Next - You ain't got thems skills
2003-12-30 - 9:47 a.m. - I am not going to get my hopes up.

Ok, I think I am about the happiest person in the world right now. Nothing is for sure, but I just have that sort of feeling that everything is going to work out. I don't know where in the hell it's coming from and maybe you will beg to differ but here we go:

Yesterday I had to wake up early after going to sleep late and go to a doctor's appointment where my doctor just had to tell me exactly how much weight I have gained (as if I weren't aware of that fact). She told me how much I'd gained since March and then she realized that I hadn't gained any since my last visit in October so I did put a stop to it, but that's not good enough. She said I had to have blood drawn to check my cholesterol. I'm over it. I've been working out every day and barely eating so I wasn't too offended. Then I went to the titles & registration place to get the title of my car in my name and the woman behind the counter was soooo mean that I started crying and sat and cried in my car for like ten minutes. I didn't have James and Araceli's driver's license numbers and she acted like I was the biggest dumbass in the world and I really want to report her to the county clerk. So, my mom took me out to lunch at Macaroni Grill and I ate like half a spaghetti and meatballs and we got Tiramisu and then went shopping at TJ Max.

I was a little bummed because JR and I were supposed to watch Zoolander and he woke up like way late and then told me he wanted to watch it in a big group, but I had already told my friend Joquena that I would work out with her at 6:30.

She called me around 5 and said to meet her at her house so I left early and stopped by the Tires Place next to the gym where Brock got transferred to so I could say hi to Brock and stuff. I walked in and the first thing Brock asked me was how the Texas trip went. I told him I enjoyed it hardcore and all that. Then Brock tells me, "I really got onto him about dating you." I thought he was referring to the time he'd already mentioned me to Gus, the time he told me about at the gym last Monday.

Jenn: "Wasn't that a long time ago?" Brock: "No, that was fairly recent."

Jenn: "Before we went to Texas?"

Brock: "No, after."

So then I tell him how we actually sort of had a date almost last night. Brock and his other manager, Jonathan (who used to work with Gus at the other store as well) were telling me how I had to make a move and all this crud. I was like, "No, you don't understand, that's not what I want and that's not what he wants."

Then Brock tells me that he was really raking Gus over the coals about me and that evidently he was like, "You will never find a girl as..." But then he never finished the statement because he was like, "The Jerry thing is just an excuse."

I said, "Maybe it's an excuse because he just doesn't like me."

Brock: "Why wouldn't he?"

Jenn: "There's not much to like."

Brock: "Oh don't give me that shit."

Jonathan: "Come on girl, you look good. You're pretty."

Jenn: "But seriously though, maybe he just doesn't."

Brock: "TRUST me, he does. He's just scared."

So Jenn works out with Joquena for 45 on the elliptical and then some reps on the weight machine and I call Gus and leave a message, "Hey I'm at the gym and just wanted to check if you coming to work out because if so I'll wait for you but otherwise I'll get out of here so give me a call back." After a good long while and he hadn't called back I figured he was still at work. I called over there and I was right. I talked to him and he said he still wasn't getting out of there for a little bit but he was heading to the apartment after work. I told him, "Cool deal, if you want to hang out after work just give me a call, but if not it's cool Mr fourteen-hour-day, I understand."

So part of me knows he's not going to call back but it's always so fun to think maybe he will. Joquena and I go back to her house and we just sit at talk (It's almost 9) and we just talk and talk and talk and it's a lot of fun. Every once in a while we'll discuss the fact that it's ok for Gus not to call back. Then, lo and behold, my phone starts ringing and I assume it's JR and look down and my jaw drops and it's Gus.

He said he'd already gotten home and taken a shower and it's sleepy time and he said he'd call me after work tomorrow if he goes to work out and he says we're going to see Last Samurai on Friday after I get out of work and he says, "Alright woman, I'm going to sleep." and I say, "Later man." and he says, "Goodnight." It's so wonderful when you get to the point where you've resigned yourself to not expecting it, you've figured out why you shouldn't expect it and then out of character it happens anyway. I was so ecstatic last night there was nothing that could have brought me down. I really do think he's coming around (With the persistent help of Brock) and maybe he really does dig me and she's just really, really scared. Anywho, work time. Gotta love it.

Check you later,

Jenn

P.S. If you have any opinions on the subject tag my board or drop me a line or sign the guestbook.

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