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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

So this is where I am. I am here. I am somewhere between the anguish of uncertainty and the elation of what might be.

I have found it is difficult to dive into a whole new world without coming up for air frequently and realizing that your old world is still right there above water and it's so much easier to breathe up there.

Maria still calls me. Maria, the best friend I had from middle school who kept calling me for seven years, eventhough we'd only actually get together once in a blue moon. Truly loyal. There is no anger or jealousy in the fact that we don't spend as much time together as we'd like to. There is just a friendship and when we hang out the facts of our friendship are not important. What is important is that we enjoy our time together and we have fun and that we both recognize each other as great people. Maria is one of the most amazing persons I have ever met. I am lucky to have her as a friend.

I don't have many friends anymore. I'm not really bothered by it since I'm always so exhausted that I don't really want to do anything but sit at home and watch movies and play video games.

So this is life. This has been a taste of what life to come will be. I jumped forward because I wanted to know what I was looking forward to and now I know there is truly nothing to look forward to. You go to school or you don't. If you go to school then it means you work your ass off making good grades learning a whole lot of useless shit and then a tad bit of useful information that applies to your major. Then you take your major and pick a job and work for the rest of your life. If you don't go to school then it means you work for the rest of your life, you just work a little harder. Instead of pounding the keys on a keyboard you're pounding hammers or punching on a cash register, but it's all the same. We all want time to go by because we're always waiting for something, always working toward that 'something different' or that 'something better' because hard work has to pay off, it just has to.

So what do you do. What do you do. You decide that love is the only thing that makes life interesting. Love just makes things more complicated. People are complicated. Everyone is fucked up in his or her own little way and all you can do is hope you find someone who understands why you're fucked up and is willing to deal with it.

Right.

I think I am just typing to kill time because I can't sleep because Brutus is making too much noise. He's a cute ferret, but he's obnoxious sometimes.

Anywho, check you later,

Jenn