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She..she screams in silence..a sullen riot penetrating through her mind...We...wait for a sign to smash the silence with the brick of self-control---Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you? Are you feeling like a social tool without any use? Scream at me until my ears bleed, I'm taking heed just for you--She...she's figured out..all her doubts are someone else's point of view..We...walking up to smash the silence with the brick of self-control--------
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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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My yesterdays....
Previous - Bringing on the heartbreak Next - I just want to be catching up to you.
2003-10-29 - 8:31 a.m. - Time's up, stand up, face the music.

I want to rip my hair out. Jerry called me Monday afternoon with the 100 minute phone card I bought him to tell him he had made it there safely. He asked me if I wanted him to call me back and talk to me later after he takes a nap and I said "sure." That night I went to see School of Rock with Keith (a boy I am as confused about as ever) and I left my phone in my car expecting to see some missed calls from Jerry, but nothing. I was distressed. I didn't sleep all night. Then I went to school, very tired. No calls on my phone when I got out.

I hung out with Amanda some after school then later went to the Rec center to hang out with Cole because after work we went out with our old crew to Outback. I saw Gary (an older gent that works out at the Rec center who would go out with us after work all the time) at Tires Plus getting tires on Sunday and told him we missed him so he and his pal Andy came in last night. I called Michael and he went too. He's such a sweetie. If he weren't in his 50's then damn he'd be the perfect guy. No call from Jerry. When I woke up this morning it was my first thought.

I am jealous as hell. I am not jealous because I love him and want him to love me. I am jealous because he has something down there, he has someone down there and regardless of the fact that we just spent the last 7 months together, he doesn't miss me enough to give me a short call. Maybe she won't let him, who knows, but I doubt it. I try not to think about it but it's so hard. I have been hanging out with friends all these nights and still...it's like I just want to feel that I have some sort of power over him like he does over me. So sad.

Anywho, after work today I am going to Tires Plus so Gus can check out some stuff on my car and maybe I can invite him to a Haunted House and maybe he'll accept.

Gees. I honestly have no idea where my life is going.

I won't worry about that now. Right now I will worry about getting to work.

Check you later,

Jenn
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