News

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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood: Meh.
now playing: foreigner-feels like the first time
vocabulary: enamorarse

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

A group of us did go see The Passion yesterday. Randi read her Bible before and after the movie to us aloud. Interesting. The movie itself was a bit excessive, to say the least. I just deleted my big long rant I just typed because that, too, was excessive.

I couldn't sleep last night. I lay there reciting Harrison Bergeron in my head until I could go no further, then started it over again from the beginning. I do not know when I actually fell asleep, but it felt as though I was waking up over and over again.

I got up in the morning an hour before class as usual and did all of my homework that I had been procrastinating over for weeks. I ate a bowl of cereal and thought about more, but nothing seemed palatable. I went to my classes. In Christ & Culture today I swear that Kathryn had it in for me. Everything I said in class discussion she had to say something afterwards trying to prove whatever I said wrong. They were opinions, how do you prove opinions wrong? At one point I remember biting my tongue and saying, "Gee, I was not aware that that was what I said, but thank you for informing me of it." I got so angry. I tried to just stop making comments in class, but no one else would contribute to the discussion, so of course, I kept giving my opinion, and Kat kept countering them. I can't win, and sadly..there should be no winning or losing in a class discussion. Maybe I am some sort of insight rival. I do not know and I do not care. I will try to just not care if the class discussion is dead. Some people don't realize that in class discussion I often say things I do not mean for the sole purpose of inciting the desire to rebut me in otherwise silent people. People take things too personally. But I suppose there was one time when I did the same.

After class I just climbed into my bed and fell asleep for a four hour nap. Why is it that when you sleep for short amounts of time at odd hours of the day you -always- have dreams, and usually twisted ones? I dreamt about an ex-boyfriend of mine and it was not pleasant. We were in an airport, which was not relevant at all, but whatever. I do not even want to mention which ex it is, because it is embarrassing. I think I was trying to apologize to him. Silly me.

After that I was really hungry, having slept through lunch, and I ate a doughnut. Not only was it a doughnut, but it was a homemade one that evidently I missed by not going to lunch. The guilt produced by that cursed doughtnut led me to go do a bunch of sit-ups and push-ups. Why? I am not sure. But it is certainly not a bad thing. I want the time to go by. I want there to be nothing but weekends left so I can go to other places, rather than stay in this city where I have been for three and a half months. I am becoming used to the smells. One should -never- become used to smells such as these. I have finally trained myself not to step in the dog shit that paints the sidewalks. I have taught myself to ignore scary men that try to pick you up when you are crossing the street and they are making left turns. Though it was still a tad disconcerting. I am getting sick of random people imploring me to stay in Montevideo forever. "I will find you a job and a husband. No worries. You can stay."

But most importantly, being here has taught me how to live. I am so much more adventurous and I know more about what I want and don't want, and now I want to take this newfound self-reflection and apply the changes in me to my life back in Nashville, Tennessee. Living in close proximity with so many girls and some obnoxious guys has taught me tolerance that I did not think possible. I can still make them laugh and it seems to be a universal language between personality types. I dig it.

I am going to go....do something maybe? Not a chance. There is not all that much to do. I may go read though. Reading makes the time go by. I have a feeling that now that I want to go home, time is going to come to an abrupt halt.

Wish me luck.

Check you later,

Jenn