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She..she screams in silence..a sullen riot penetrating through her mind...We...wait for a sign to smash the silence with the brick of self-control---Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you? Are you feeling like a social tool without any use? Scream at me until my ears bleed, I'm taking heed just for you--She...she's figured out..all her doubts are someone else's point of view..We...walking up to smash the silence with the brick of self-control--------
News

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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

mood: exhausted
now playing: you don't always get what you want
vocabulary:

My yesterdays....
Previous - But the beauty of this vision alone, just like yesterday's sunset, has been perverted by the sentimental and mistaken for love. Next - I've found the simple life, ain't so simple.
2003-08-27 - 8:12 a.m. - You say..I only hear what I want to.

My life is so up in the air in that everything happening in my life right now is up in the air, undecided. I am so silly and immature and over-eager and it's killing me.

I started school yesterday. It wasn't good.

At midnight on Monday night I had been up for 36 hours and was trying desperately to fall asleep. A couple hours later I did fall asleep, only to wake again at 7 for school.

Why was I up for so long? I work several jobs with several long shifts and quite often they are back to back. Take school into account and it leaves no free time for recreation...or sleeping..or eating..

I can count the number of things I have eaten since Sunday on one hand. A bowl of cereal and a bowl of ice cream in 48 hours (where 36 of them were spent up and about working) is not going to cut it. I am not getting my nutrients. Nothing is appetizing. Sleep deprivation kills your appetite. I am hungry as hell but nothing sounds good. I just don't want to eat. No, this is not some desperate attempt to lose weight, I would really love to be eating right now but the thought of food just...blegh.

As far as other aspects of my life go....my personal life for instance, I don't even want to get into. I dwell on things day and night, literally, and drive myself into insanity. Why must I be so impatient? Whay can't I have faith? Why can't I trust in people?

I'm not sure.

What I am sure of is that I am extremely unhappy but I know that if I focused on the good right now that I would have plenty of reasons to be happy. I just need certain "obstacles" removed from my life and then I will be on my way. I know what those obstacles are and need to overcome them fairly soon before my mind wastes away to mush.

Anywho, bedtime,

Check you later,

Jenn
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