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News -
"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."
What's up?mood: anxious |
My yesterdays....
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2002-08-05 - 9:37 p.m. -
Perilous.
Yeah, so evidently Chevrolet is doing this thing where they will pay off your current car,0% financing plus no payments for 3 months and so as soon as I get home from work I ask my mom if my friend called and what does she say! "Chevy is doing blah blah....and James and I feel that you need to get out from under that car of yours and buy something else." So, obviously, they want me to trade in my Camaro and get a Cavalier or a Malibu, one of the less expensive, but also good, Chevy cars. HAHAHAHAHA. That's a laugh. I have already paid 4,000 dollars on my car and there is no way that the 4,000 is just going to be wasted by my starting fresh anew with a car that isn't worth it. I drive a CAMARO. A Camaro is worth paying every month for, it's worth working hard for. It says something to say that you bought a Camaro at age 17 and paid for it yourself. It's really cool for people to notice that you have a nice car and then be able to wow them by letting them know that it wasn't a Christmas gift from daddy. I pride myself on my self-sufficiency and my drive and my ability to maintain those car payments and I love my car and I treat it well and I keep it nice. UGH! Sure, I would have a lot more spending money but so what? If I were to sell that car even after it was all paid off, 4 years down the road, I could still get 14,000 for it and that 14,000 could buy a brand new car right there. I am so...blah about this. Work was great. Keith came in because he is going out of town so his normal work-out schedule won't work. He's so sweet. He talked to me before and after his workout. He's coming over tomorrow night around 9 to watch Amelie. He said he'll call first. I invited my friend jennifer from work but she said she'd probably be asleep then. I hope my mom isn't anywhere near the den because the first 15 minutes of the movie are the most lewd, Incredibly lewd indeed. I have only two and a half weeks until I move into the dorm. I am excited, I will get to find David and tell him i think he's cool. I still don't know if I want to try jumping into dating because if I just date the first guy I meet who meets my standards then I am stuck when another one comes along who may be smarter or funnier or nicer...I dunno. I sound terribly elitist. But for some reason..I allow it since it's never superficial classification. I don't give two hoots about looks. I had my ID free in my pcoket because I had taken it out in case I was carded at the movie theatre today. I showed my co-worker my Driver's License photo and she freaked out, "That is NOT you!" Yes, it was me...80-90 pounds heavier. I really look in the mirror and see no difference. To me..when I see myself...I just look fat and ugly and probably always will. But when I looked at that ID photo...I knew how different I really do look. Compared to then..I am gorgeous now. I should be happy. I really have come along way and despite how much farther I have to go...I have less ahead of me than behind me. That is the only comforting thought. But right now, I still feel pretty. I still like myself and I feel good, despite my fluctuating weight, I am in good spirits. I hope it lasts. Oddly enough, I only really feel good when I dislike my friends. I think my insecurities are spurned by the way my friends treat me. A few nights ago I decided (sort of out of the blue..I swear I am Bipolar or something..) that I didn't care about them anymore. Not all of them, some of them I still care about, but certain ones that were causing me distress...I just devalue them now, they don't mean a damned thing to me, neither do their affections. So..if they don't call me or they don't like me the way I like them..screw it. I don't care, I decided they really aren't worth it. The only reason they were my friends is for lack of better options. Now..I have a select group of friends and I am content. I am not lonely. Why be jealous of not being invited to an outing when the result of the outing would be feelings of hatred and annoyance when I get home? To hell with em. I am so freakin excited of a change of pace and change of scenery. I need a countdown clock. I am entirely too excited. I need ritalin. Fun times. Check you later, Jenn |