News

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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood: crazed
now playing: oasis-cast no shadow
vocabulary: attentive

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

Ha! Funny story. I woke up much earlier than I expected to today so I went to Lipscomb to turn in my cover sheet for my take home exam (We have to sign an honor code and I couldn't e-mail that in) and attempt to sell some books. Well, I am on Harding and I am driving and I looked down at my dash at my spedometer and when I looked up I was five feet away from a cute 2003 Mercedes. I -slammed- into that sucker and instantly was gushing tears. My car is my baby, and already a couple months ago that woman stopped in the middle of the road and caused over 1,500 in damages on my car.

So we pulled over into the first driveway and I was just crying my head off and luckily I was not so distraught that I couldn't keep my wits about me and the first thing I said to her was, "Are you ok?" rather than something stupid like, "Oh, my car!" She said she was fine and yada, yada and she was really nice. I talked to her insurance company and all that. I went from there to work and my first instinct was to call Gus because if anyone could sympathize then it'd be him, having messed up his hood in a rear-end collision. Plus, I needed consolation. I thought in my head what kind of message I would leave on his voicemail (since he never answers his phone) and then it rang and rang and he picked up. Not only did he pick up but he picked up -at work- because he happened to be at his toolbox when I called (where he keeps his cell). I told him that I was having the shittiest day and if we could hang out tonight after work that it would totally just make my day. He said that was cool, that he's going to the gym after work but he will call me after that. Just the fact that he is going to the gym is a good sign because he does that when he gets pumped about dating again. It's sort of conceited to think that the one he's considering dating would be me, especially since he should know I wouldn't care if he were a blue whale. I think that it only bothers him because Jerry is little bulimic skinny boy and he feels less good-looking for some insane reason. I think Leny put it best when he told me that Jerry looks like the Grinch.

Then later today they(her insurance company) called me...at work...twice. But! The second time he called me at work (he being the insurance guy) was to tell me good news that eventhough she'd already called them, her insurance company is going to let me pay out of pocket and not report the accident to my insurance company (which just may drop me for an at-fault accident). Very good news.

Oh, yeah, fun stuff, Pablo at work (the same guy who asked me if I have a boyfriend eventhough he's married with a daughter [what is it with married guys thinking I would date them?]) asked me why I was fat today. That was real fun. He asked me if I just eat a lot. Gotta love it. I could not figure out how to say in Spanish that I used to be a lot fatter and because of starvation my stomach shrunk and I gain weight really easily or that stopping to smoke pot made me gain weight or that I take anti-depressants that make you hungry all the time. Perhaps I really do just eat like a pig. But, it was some consolation that he told me I was beautiful anyway. It almost made up for it. I think that being a true fat ass really numbed me to comments like that. Yes, I am fat, but I used to be so much fatter and now it doesn't bother me to admit it. When I was younger if someone even mentioned the word fat anywhere within my hearing then I would freak out and get nervous and sweaty and frightened. I was always just waiting to be made fun of, daily. I remember asking one of my older friends who was fat and in high school if kids were mean in high school or if I might actually make friends. Gotta love that. Living in fear like that can really kill a girl's self-esteem. Garrett didn't help, making fun of me so much in my criminal justice class that I had to drop it. Granted, now he is good friends with me and says how sorry he is and that I am a badass, but how can you erase the humiliation that it causes as a scared freshman being brutally mocked on her first damn day of high school?

Oh well, it's all over now, no use dwelling on the past.

So now, I wait for Emily to call me so she and I and Becka can go work out tonight. I am going to work out every single day until I leave for Uruguay and damn, it feels good. When your legs feel like rubber and you can barely walk stepping down from that machine is such a free feeling. Fun times, my mom bought me ultracarb or something like that and it should be coming in the mail. She said it was really expensive but that the guy on the phone said that if I write a testimonial saying how much I lost on it then they will give me the second month for free. Score. Evidently you're guaranteed to lose like at least 15-20 in a month or something like that. With my exercising and dieting then I may lose even more. Cool. Well, Emily called me so to the gym I go.

Check you later,

Jenn