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She..she screams in silence..a sullen riot penetrating through her mind...We...wait for a sign to smash the silence with the brick of self-control---Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you? Are you feeling like a social tool without any use? Scream at me until my ears bleed, I'm taking heed just for you--She...she's figured out..all her doubts are someone else's point of view..We...walking up to smash the silence with the brick of self-control--------
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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

mood: sad/degraded/despondent
now playing: radiohead-the bends(whole damn album)
vocabulary:

My yesterdays....
Previous - I would like to thank the academy Next - I am so glad I got to share this with you.
2003-01-07 - 11:05 p.m. - Who knows where thoughts come from, they just appear

I don't know why my days end the same way. I go out or I work and no matter what I come back to my house and I just start to think about all the things that happened in the day, or didn't happen. Then I worry. I start to think up scenarios of why things did or did not happen and they are all paranoid manifestations of self-loathing.

I come home and I decide someone doesn't like me or that I did something wrong and that everything is falling to pieces.

I just want to think happy thoughts and think that everything is ok. I want to think that I am worth something to someone. I want to think I am worth a lot.

I just want to be capable of feeling happiness.

Hell, I just want to not feel sadness and self-loathing.

I want to be able to sleep tonight rather than lie awake going through everything that happened in the day and how I screwed up or everything said to me and how it was an indication of distaste or pleasure toward me. UGH.

My stomach hurts now.

I am going to go..read. Maybe that can get my mind off of it.

Wish me luck.

Jenn
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