| Jenneration X! |
| quizzes |
| diaryland |
| rings |
| my profile |
| random entry |
| older entries |
| e-mail me |
News -
"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."
What's up?mood: despondent |
My yesterdays....
|
| Previous - I wanna be yours pretty baby, yours and yours alone | Next - Looking at the stars but not seeing the light |
|
2004-01-07 - 11:56 p.m. -
I can't sleep 'cause she snores like a chainsaw and I can't eat 'cause she can't cook and I can't write shes got all my inspiration and she can't count all the pills I took.
I don't even know what to think. I don't want to think anything. I want to turn off my head and my heart. I worked out for four hours today. I did over 2 and a half hours on cardio machines. It helped me not think. It helped me feel better about myself. Brock got there to work out and the first thing he asked me was, "So, have you guys talked about it yet?" The answer, of course, is no. I don't have the guts to bring it up. He's worked 20 hours of overtime already and his distance from me might be related to his working so much and so hard and I have no right to assume it's me. Then Brock says, "Man, Jonathan at work he says, 'that Jennifer girl is the coolest person I have ever met. I have no idea why Gus isn't just jumping to date her.' " Thanks, Brock. That is exactly what I needed to hear. Just add another guy who knows Gus and thinks he should date me. It doesn't matter how many people in Gus's life think I am the greatest thing in it--if Gus doesn't think so then it means dick. Larry called me from Tires Plus today just to tell me he was back from Texas and wants to hang out. What a great guy. Good to know all of Gus's friends dig me. I hope it doesn't bother him and I hope he doesn't think that they mean as much to me as he does or that he can be replaced because he can't. If he can be replaced it would have happened by now out of sheer survival necessity. I have decided I am going to write all of my thoughts into a letter and actually give this one to him (Unlike the other two) the night before I leave so that he will read everything I want to say to him but not be forced to give me an answer. He will have to have time to think about it. I will not worry about it because once I hand over said letter then the ball is completely in his court. Play ball. Ok, three more days of work and then two days of packing and saying my goodbyes and all that good stuff. I am scared to death. I am scared that no one will care enough to notice that I am gone. |