| Jenneration X! |
| quizzes |
| diaryland |
| rings |
| my profile |
| random entry |
| older entries |
| e-mail me |
News -
"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."
What's up?mood: apprehensive |
My yesterdays....
|
| Previous - Tell me that story again, the one that has no ending. | Next - Why are you running away? |
|
2003-01-15 - 6:49 a.m. -
So this is it, eh?
Well, here I am. It's 6:50 a.m. and it's my first day back to classes. I didn't get to sleep last night at a good time. Sure, I was home by 11:30 but once again I lay in bed just staring, wishing my mind would stop going so fast just for long enough that I can fall asleep. Woe is me. I should have cried myself to sleep last night. I probably could have if the cold hadn't frozen the remnants of the tears I shed at Sean's. No, nothing's wrong. I love him to death and I guess the only problem is that I love him and want to fix all of his problems and must realize that I can't. I just hate to see him hurting. I don't have all my books and I don't give two flips about it. I don't even want to be going. I am resentful that I did not choose to go to school this semester and yet I have no choice on whether or not to do all my work and do well. I can't ruin a 4.0 because I am bitter. I got my chapel seat assignment. Gees, row B, I am practically on the floor. No fun. Chapel is no fun anyway. Lipscomb is no fun. I'm wondering where my life is going after the horrible experience that is Lipscomb has marred it so heavily. I want my quiche to cook. I am hungry. Is it safe to count on people? I mean, I'd like to count on him being there for a long time, but he gets bored easily..why wouldn't he just get bored with me as well as everything else? I'm sure a video game is more exciting than I am and he probably has a lot more control over that anyway. I mean, I want to just not think/worry about it, but as long as I am making big changes and plans for the future that are in any way a reflection of our relationship then I must realize that the possibility he'll get rid of me is everpresent, sad though it is. I really love him. Woe is me. Well, maybe the oven is dinging about now. Wish me luck in my horribly easy and sickening classes. Check you later, Jenn |