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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

Yesteday was a lot of fun. We hung out a good deal in the Hillsboro Village area. We got lunch and we window shopped and then we got ice cream and then went back to the apartment where Jerry and Gus played video games. I cooked some broccoli, ate it, then headed to Toys R Us. Gus offered to stay the night again so that I wouldn't have to take Jerry to work when I got home at 7:15 am. How sweet. Something about pulling into my apartment complex and approaching my building and seeing his car there makes my stomach do little flips.

He's such a sweet guy. When I came in he was asleep on the couch and Jerry in the bedroom. Jerry and I do not sleep together. I grabbed my pillows and blanket from where they were on the couch and tried to snooze a little on the futon mattress laying on the floor. Gus was sleeping with his shirt off and this made me smile. He has perhaps the sexiest arms of any guy I have ever been interested in. He proceeded to walk around the apartment without a shirt off, which is really no fair. I tried to hint at the fact that it's dangerous to walk around looking all sexy-like, but he just said, "What? My fat body?" I swear, this guy sounds like me. He can't accept a compliment.

He was up to take Jerry to work and I asked if he'd be coming back but he said he needed to do laundry. I know how stupid it sounded to even ask if he'd be coming back since I had just gotten home from a 12 hour hardcore shift of lifting bikes up ladders and yada, yada, yada. I cannot accept his reluctance to hang out as rejection, but more as concern for a girl he knows likes him a lot who would love to hang out with him but is seriously sore and sleep deprived. So what does he do? He leaves and calls me a couple hours later and says he is going to go put my muffler on (I did buy a large and loud exhaust for my new car because I am becoming white trash). He said his friend would do it for 40 and that I could give him 20 and he'd get the rest. I normally don't accept that kind of good-hearted charity but I thought at the moment that it would be very rude and hurtful if I were to decline.

He came back to the apartment and switched cars with me, took my car, I didn't even care and was half asleep anyway. The muffler tip was too big for my car so they had to put this chrome 40$ tip on it so it wouldn't stick out but his friend just pretty much charged us for the tip and no labor whatsoever. Gotta love connections.

He came back to drop my car off and said he was going to go do laundry and that he'd probably bother me again in an hour or so. I said, "Please do."

I was pretty honest with him yesterday about the way I feel. I pretty much told him that for a lot of my life I only dated guys who didn't meet my standards merely so I could feel secure in the relationship. There were always guys I wanted but I have always felt that if I want a guy then by default my wanting him makes him too good for me. He could be worth dogshit to other people, but if he's good enough to truly meet my standards then he is automatically too good for me since I fail to meet my own standards. Kind of sad? Yes. Very sad.

I am finding more and more bruises, scrapes, and ripped muscles in my body the more I move. Night crew is some hardcore work. Tonight we are tearing down some walls and such so that might be exciting. I sure hope I make it. Just 4 more nights--ten hours each, not too bad. The worst of the nights is over. No more 7 to 7's.

Ok, time to go do laundry myself--running on roughly 3 and a half hours sleep. I also have to go get my Shadow of the Hegemon book that I left at Toys R Us this morning and try to finish that. When I close my eyes to sleep I just see rows of bikes (we remodeled the bike section last night). I appreciate Chris Madden so much more. I would not have made it had he not been so damn entertaining.

Anywho,

check you later,

Jenn