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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

Wow...WOW. Ok, so, I went out to dinner with Gus and we talked so much I barely ate. Then we went to our cars and stood and talked even more. He's so amazing. He's so sweet. I just wish I could know if he liked me or not. I wish I could stop thinking about it but evey time I find someone amazing all I think about is watching that someone slip through my fingers. I know that life isn't over if we don't hook up, get married and have beautiful little babies, but I know that life sure as hell won't be nearly as good.

So then...oh boy this is good...I come home and I am watching t.v. and lo and behold, the phone rings and Jerry jumps up to answer it and screams, "I am expecting a call!" Now I don't listen to what's being said, but I must admit that I am curious as to whether it's his white trash friends or whatnot because I did listen to the way he was talking and he was talking to this person like he wanted to fuck her brains out (yes, I did know for a fact that it was a girl). So then he gets off the phone and won't tell me who it was.

I finally got it out of him. He was talking to Laura. Laura is the girl behind the name tattooed on his chest. She is the same Laura that he said he wanted to kill and when I asked him a few days ago if he was going back to Texas and intended to hook up with her he said no. Now I finally get some fucking answers.

I saw her number on my phone and decided to see who he wanted to call one day. He had called her on July 4th, while we were still together. URGH! So I called the number after we were broken up because I was pissed he was usig my minutes to call whoever and asked, "Who is this?" She said who she was and I knew then and there. I said, "Sorry for bothering you, this is a friend of Jerry's and he borrowed my phone and I just wanted toknow where all my minutes went." Then there was the night when he went outside and said he was calling his mother and called her for 55 minutes and -then- called his mother for just as long. Yeah, good times.

So then tonight after he finally tells me it's her I asked why the hell he lied to me. He didn't have a good reason...or any reason at all. I have never given him reason not to trust that if he just tells me the truth then I won't get pissed. But yesterday I had to take him to work and was waiting for a callback from the vet for my kittens are sick. Well, when I got home and checked the answering machine I found that it was off. I didn't know that the vet had called.

Evidently, Jerry has been turning off my answering machine so if Laura calls when he's not home or in the bathroom or something she doesn't hear my voice...because get this, she was told that he lives here in Tennessee by himself and that I am just one of his friends. Ha...hahahahahahahaha!

So all the while he can hook up connections for himself in Texas but I can't fucking date a single solitary person because I live with my fucking ex-boyfriend!! My shit is fucked up but everything's fine with him because he can just lie and not think a damn thing of it. I can just hope that he will be out of my fucking apartment within the next week.

It's not like I want to have guys over so I can get laid. I just want to be able to hang out with Gus in my own natural habitat without his brother and my ex-boyfriend being there. He's...perfect. ARGH!

Sometimes I wish I were a vegetable lying in a bed, dreaming my life away.

Ok..time to take a mind breather and read so I can't think about stuff.

Check you later,

Jenn