News

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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood: lame
now playing: our lady peace-spiritual machines
vocabulary: acetone

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

It's kind of funny..no..it's not funny. I have been doing a lot more with friends lately, for the past few weeks in fact. But you know what? Still no one fucking calls me. I call people. I call people so that they know I love and care about them. So..if that is why I call people and invite them to do something then logically..if they don't do the same then they don't love me and they don't care about me. This is the conclusion that I am forced to come to.

I have nothing to assure me that these people aren't hanging out with me just so they don't hurt my feelings by declining. They don't invite me out. And you know what? It really bothers me. It bothers me beyond being rational about anything. I feel the utmost amount of resentment and pain because I go out of my way to make sure people know that I care and no one, no one but Nicole has called me to ask me to do something in...I don't even want to think of how long. I just want to cry about it. No, I don't want to cry about it but, yes, sometimes emotions do overpower me, despite my belief that thoughts are the overwhelming element.

I don't know how I can believe people had a good time if they don't call me to try and..have a good time again?

Fuck it or fight it, it's all the same.

I don't know if there is anything to look forward to. I don't know if this is me getting a good look at the rest of my life and how it's going to be. My brother said he'd buy me this clay pizza pan thingie that I cooked my pizza on at his house tonight for a wedding present. I told him I doubt I was getting married. I told him I doubt I could find someone who could put up with me. I guess I sound whiny, I guess I -am- whiny. Such is life.

My co-worker likes Amelie so far. She was barely into it. She sent her husband to find Donnie Darko also. Jennifer rocks.

I spent a lot of time with the lifeguards today. They had a good crew today, they were all smart people and we played cards and we hung out. I helped Patrick scrub the floor. I told him I'd take him home also. No, I am not trying to hit on him. He is...15. But, I feel kind of bad for him, he is so sheltered. Parents ruin their children.

Ok, enough of this feeling sorry for myself. I am going to bed.