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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

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My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

I cried driving home. I don't know why. I guess I just reviewed everything and felt helpless...or maybe hopeless. It was one of those. I know the world is not going to end if Gus never comes around. I know that sometime down the line I will find some guy to obsess over who I've never met anyone to match his greatness and Gus will be a long forgotten memory. But right now, in the present, I can't think like that. Right now Gus is the most amazing person in the world. I let him pay for dinner because I know that he gets the same enjoyment as I do from doing nice things for people.

I want to talk to him about how I feel, but I don't want to scare him away. I mean, if he told me that he would hang out with me and see if he likes me then I should assume that is still an option. It was post Jerry but pre-Jenn fucked up trying to move in fast. I wish I could be satisfied with getting most of his free time, but what I really want is to feel there is a reason I get most of his free time beside the fact that I hang out with his dad. There should be more important things on my mind right now and there are not. I am a petty, futile being. I am weak. I admit it. Maybe I am just reaching out looking for someone to protect me the way I feel I give protection to others. Maybe I don't know what I want. I wish I could turn my head off.

Ugh.

I am going to sleep now.

Check you later,

Jenn