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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."
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My yesterdays....
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2003-10-03 - 11:58 a.m. -
Let me help you put aside your moral fiber.
Ok, now I have heat in my apartment and now it's freakin hot. Ahh well, such is life. I think I should have control over the thermostat since I pay the bills but that's not important now is it? Something will need to be worked out. In the meantime, I went and picked up my check from toys r us and now I never have to step foot in there again. I saw Chris and Chris said he hates me but I think he was kidding, or rather, hope he was kidding. Keith saw me and just laughed and didn't make any cracks to me. I told them I was quitting McDonald's if it makes them feel any better. I am going to quit assuming Brian at Pie in the Sky really does have a spot for me to come work. Jerry told me that the people at McDonald's said they didn't like me and that made me so sad and angry. Well, scratch that, the hispanics like me it's just the white people who don't. I don't like them either on the basis that they are white trash, cheat on their husbands, use cocaine, etc. But the fact still remains that I have been nicer than nice to all of them and the fact that they don't like me made me feel that I am unlikable and that is very disturbing. I think I broke down crying for about an hour the night before last while Catherine and Jerry were sharing drug stories and laughing hysterically in the next room and that only made me feel so much worse because of course the last person who made me feel any bit of special is going to enjoy Cat's company more than mine. I can't win. No, I don't have crack stories or X stories because I have never done it. If that makes me less of a fun person then to hell with it. I'm still not going to do it. The real problem is that the people whose attentions are so important to me give attentions to the wrong things. Of course Jerry is going to like a lot of other people more than he likes me but that doesn't make them better, just more suited to his tastes and he has trashy tastes. He told me that his main problem with me is that my heart is too big. I guess that's the first indication that I shouldn't care how he feels about me but it hurts nonetheless because I just feel like if you're nice to everyone then everyone should like you and I take it so personally when they don't. I need to stop doing that. I need to stop doing a lot of things and it's so difficult. On a lighter note, I got a 98 on my history test. I don't know what I got on English, but it can't be too bad, regardless of the fact that I couldn't answer an essay question because it was on a video they watched before I'd even registered for the class. *sigh* I can't win. Ok, time to get ready for work. How much fun I will have today. Check you later Jenn |