News

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"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."

What's up?

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mood: anxious
now playing: eve 6-muse
vocabulary: jetpack

My yesterdays....

• Que paso? - 2006-09-10

I can tell this is going to be an oh-so-exciting post.

**Goes to make coffee**

I just woke up. I woke up at 7-something this morning to get to work by 8:30. I kind of watched everyone open their drawers but there were too many people to watch and I was only asked to look as they were finishing and didn't ever actually see the starting process. Good to know I am feeling confident on that one. The next time I go back will be a Friday which is the busiest day of the week. I go in at 11 so the store will already be open and booming. Oh man. This is going to be good. I sold pretty well today...on everyone else's numbers. That's all well and good. I am not worried about it. What I am more worried about is selling all sorts of features I won't know how to ring into the system. Fortunately, I think I have got the systems down...err..for the most part.

Hmm, I am experiencing frustration. Why? It may be so simple as the fact that I keep scratching below the lips but just above the chin at a spot that is either a bug bite(that's one friendly bug there) or a zit that hasn't quite decided to form yet. I am not sure which I'd prefer. I guess whichever one would allow me to stop scratching.

I experienced a feeling today that I can't remember ever feeling before in this context. That is odd, because I feel a lot. Haha! You may think me a cold fish. Yes, some of the things I tend to say seem very blunt and/or emotionless, but that is only because the logic slips in there before I make any decision, and the decision to speak is not exempt from that circumstance. Well, since I found out that I am most definitely not working Sunday, I have agreed to go to my boyfriend's neck of the woods. This means I will be meeting his friends, or at least some of them. Now for some reason I am scared to death. Under these circumstances I have always been wildly excited at such a chance because history tells me that my boyfriend's friends have always liked me, seemingly moreso even than my boyfriends at the time. I'll never forget Logan asking me, "Do you have room for another boyfriend?" when I told him what I was getting Sean for valentine's day. I remember Jared's reaction the first time he let them all know we were together. So, I am not so sure why I would not be just as excited to be a source of pride for my beautiful, wonderful, and amazing boyfriend whom I love very much.

**Goes to get the freshly made coffee**

I have deduced a couple of reasons why I might be feeling this way. Perhaps spending so much thought on it is counter-productive to the process of getting over it, but for me I feel that understanding why I have these feelings will help me to (hopefully) come to the conclusion that they are unnecessary worries. So, what am I scared of? I am frightened that the girls he could have had are objectively more attractive than I am and this could be pointed out by one or more persons, possibly causing him(or me) discomfort. I think I am also scared because perhaps the reasons that all of my exes' friends have liked me would be reasons for his friends not to like me. This does not speak as to the calibre of the friends by any means, just of the different standards that the sets of friends may potentially hold. Then there is the general fear that I will make a total goof of myself, which really could happen in any minute of any day so I am not so worried about that one. Now, I have THE most amazing boyfriend and he would assure me that I have nothing to worry about and that these reasons should not even be considered as possibilities. And I should take his word for it, as he knows his friends a lot better than I do. But telling myself I should and doing so are two vastly different things. Then on top of that I should just realize that love conquers all things and would it really be so bad if the aforementioned things actually happened that I would not still have the mostest wonderfullest boyfriend in the whole world? That I wouldn't shrug it off? I would. I would probably even use it to my advantage. I can't remember the last time I actually felt debilitated by disapproval or unkind words. Where is that Jennifer who so loved negative attention? That's it. I'm over it. I don't know what I was thinking being so worked up over nothing. Meh, that is what boredom does to a person I suppose.

I have come to the conclusion that I liked unaffectionate A.J.(johnny's cat) much more than this new you-have-grown-on-me-silly-human affectionate A.J.

Hmm, I should have a pool going for who thinks I will make it to all -2- of my classes tomorrow. A show of hands? I would also turn in that drop form but I ought to wait until after I make it to the doctor and see if I can get another prescription of klonapin before I potentially lose my insurance and have to pay an arm and a leg for it.

But regardless, I will have something to look forward to! Amanda is coming in tomorrow night and she and I and Ben are all taking Johnny out for his birthday(which is Friday) and she and Johnny will play birthday chess and she will probably lose mercilessly(I love you Amanda, but Johnny is hardcore :P). Haha! Then Friday I work for 9 hours and then probably will come home to what I imagine will be some sort of birthday celebration and if it is not going to be already then I will have to make it one. Then comes Saturday where I work and then immediately head to wait not-so-patiently outside my boyfriend's work for him to get off and then pounce him and cover him with kisses :P Then it is only uphill from there as I will be within arms reach of the greatest guy ever.

Let's see...and sometime next week I think I get a paycheck and maybe then I can pay my credit cards off. How exciting! What would be really great would be receiving my reimbursement checks for all the gas and food and such that I have been spending on these business trips to Nashville and Knoxville, but as I haven't even turned in the receipts and mileage, I somehow don't think those are coming any time soon. Luckily,(or not so) I have lots and lots of credit so I can just dig myself deeper into debt anticipating that lovely reimbursement check which will be somewhere around 500 dollars, a lot of which will go to my parents.

Now, let's review today. Did the work thing, did the worrying thing...ahh, yes, I read a few chapters in Snow Crash which I am currently reading. But Jennifer, aren't you also reading Lord of the Flies and Galapagos and Island? Why yes, yes I am. Meh, so I over-extended myself. My boyfriend played his trump card and Snow Crash it is! I must say I will imagine I would enjoy talking about it with him much more than I would talking to myself about the others. I am just not impressed with my self-discussion skills.

Right. Anyway. This evening is going to be long as I just drank some very strong coffee(whipped cream on top? But of course) and just had a 2 hour nap. Hmm. maybe CSI is on.

Anywho, sorry about the long post that didn't really say much of anything so much as I thought to myself. But, as that is what journals are, essentially, apology retracted.

Check you later,
Jenn