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News -
"I'm really not that different, you just made me think so."
What's up?mood: pathetic |
My yesterdays....
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2002-09-27 - 12:20 p.m. -
I have no control.
Ok, so, on MWF and Friday I eat lunch with jenna at 11 and hang around and the 12 o clock lunchers come in and sit with me and I talk to them and watch them eat only today...no one came and sat with me. I saw the usual people and they sat elsewhere. Except, Marsha was not there. Is she usually the first person to sit with me and that is the reason people sit there? I can't recall. All I know is that I feel like shit having sat there...completely alone..at a very large table waiting for..no one. It didn't help that when I got up to leave I realized my ex-roommate was in line and it was another slap in the face. Maybe she thinks I have no friends. Maybe I don't. All I can say is that I can't wait to live at home next semester. Everything is just so hard for me right now. It's hard to think happy thoughts. I think about dying a lot. I envision my death announcements and what people say to it. It's usually good riddance. I'm not psychotic and suicidal as far as I know. I'm just very, very much alone. Everytime I think someone has come alone to wipe away my loneliness...it's not so. I don't want to whine and I don't want to bitch..I just want people to realize how much others rely on you. Sometimes people don't know how much just a smile and a hello would mean to me..or maybe they do and just don't want to give me the satisfaction. If you're reading this, I apologize, but also..could you...e-mail me? I just need something to remind me that people are out there. Check you later, Jenn |